The door creaked as it opened and He went inside. Then Freddy saw this weird looking box, and he wanted to open it. He opened then a ghost came out, saying "Whats (+4)+(-3) and if you get this incorrect you'll join me". Freddy was in shock that he suddenly blurted an answer +1. The ghost said he was right and then disappeared and the room lit alight. He found out that he was in a living room, and which had 2 doors going somewhere. Which door should he take?
So Freddy feels like he wants to take the door going to the right. He opens if and feels a cold presence. He sees another chest and goes to open it. He opens the chest and sees a letter saying (-3)+(+7)=. He thought about the answer and he said +4. The chest disappeared and the room had lights again. This time it was the kitchen and he saw stairways. He was very hungry and looked inside the fridge and to be surprised that it was full of food. He sat down to eat and then he felt a cold chill down his body. He stop and continued to search the home. What will happen now?
Now Freddy was upstairs and found a master bed room. He went inside and saw other chest but this one was decorated. Freddy felt that this home was full of life but what happened? He knew it was up to him to solve this family's mystery. He opened the chest and saw another question. The
question is (+9)+(-4)=. Freddy knew the answer and said +5 and then a key dropped on his hand. Just in case he kept it and continued to search the home.
He searched the next room and opened it. He felt a childish presence and notice this was one of the child's room. He could tell it was a girl because of the feel of the room. Then a shadow was behind him, he quickly turned and saw a little girl in pajamas. She started talking about how the family died. Her family died of this unknown virus and she wants Freddy to solve it. She has to see if Freddy is up to it and gives him the last integer question. What is (-8)+(+4)=? Freddy said -4 and the room was full of lights. The girl said to look for hints of what happened then poof she was gone. What will Freddy do now? Will he solve their mystery or leave the home like a wimp? To be continued..
Freddy thought for a while and said to himself, lets solve this mystery! Freddy continued to search the house for more clues and has found another chest. He opened the chest to see another integer question! This time it was much harder and this time Freddy had no clue how to solve the question. The question was +1-(-6)-2=???, then the ghost girl appeared once more and said you must clean the answer up and simplify to get the answer. He thought about the answer and figured it out. He said the answer was +5 and the chest was full of paper! He was reading the papers and they were a bunch of clues to solve the family's mystery. One of the clues says that the family was poor so they couldn't afford to buy medicine. Other clue was the family all died from the same virus. The last clue was the virus was really contagious and had cause the family to be sick a long time before they died. Freddy continued to search the house.
Freddy went downstairs this time and searched the basement for more clues. The basement was very damp and dark with rats creeping all over the place. The basement was full of weird stuff including jars full of fruit and vegetables. He kept looking at them at one jar had a letter inside it. He opened the jar and grab the slimey letter out. The letter says my family died a painful death and its up to you to solve our mystery. The last integer question is 1-(+2)+2-(-2)=?? Freddy thought about early and remembered how to clean up the question and simply it. He solved the answer and it was -5 and he was correct and then he felt so cold and he started to shiver. Then he knew it what the virus was! It was a cold, that killed the family and then he quietly whispered cold is what killed you and then the house lights lighted. He walked back upstairs to the living room and saw the family. The dad spoke about their family and then said,"thank you''. The rest of the family said thank you too and vanished. Freddy went outside to see that his car was fixed! He drove home next morning and told all his friends and family about his weird and wacky adventure! THE END.
Urban Duckie here, posting a comment :) I have a few suggestions to your story.
"Freddy was driving when Freddy hit this huge pothole, it made his car tip over." Instead of just saying "it made his car tip over" you could've said, "Freddy was driving, Freddy hit a huge pothole, making his car tip over".
The following sentence says "Freddy didn't know what to do and waited at his car for several minutes." Instead of waiting AT his car, you should write, waiting BY his car.
Also, you are missing indents in each paragraph of your story.
In the second paragraph, you capitilized "He", but you didn't need to. In the second last sentence, you used a "2" in your sentence. You had to have actually wrote "two" instead, since you're writing a story. Also, you should show your work, of how to get each answer.
In the third paragraph you say "He opens if and feels a cold presence." You meant IT, not IF, if I am correct.
The third sentence in your second paragraph should be the starting of a new paragraph, because it is beginning a new idea, or new part of the story.
Now, in the last paragraph, you said "The basement was full of weird stuff including jars full of fruit and vegetables." I think you meant full of FRUITS and vegetables. In the following sentence, you said "He kept looking at them at one jar had a letter inside it." I think you meant, Ke kept looking at one jar that had a letter inside of it."
To conclude, I must say your story line was well done. It had foreshadowing, which was good. But you had a lot of punctuation, grammar, and spelling mistakes. Remember to proof-read your work next time you are writing :)
Overall, GOOD JOB !!!!!!!!!! :))))
November 9, 2008 at 6:01 PM