### Freddie's Worst Nightmare.

Friday, October 24, 2008
Hey my name is Freddy.

Last week Freddy overcame so much. It all started when Freddy left the city to go to my grand mother's house. Freddy was driving when Freddy hit this huge pothole, it made his car tip over. Freddy didn't know what to do and waited at his car for several minutes. Then magically Freddy saw this house appear and went to see who's home it belonged to. As Freddy knocked on the door, He saw someone in the window. Will he go inside and find that person?

The door creaked as it opened and He went inside. Then Freddy saw this weird looking box, and he wanted to open it. He opened then a ghost came out, saying "Whats (+4)+(-3) and if you get this incorrect you'll join me". Freddy was in shock that he suddenly blurted an answer +1. The ghost said he was right and then disappeared and the room lit alight. He found out that he was in a living room, and which had 2 doors going somewhere. Which door should he take?

So Freddy feels like he wants to take the door going to the right. He opens if and feels a cold presence. He sees another chest and goes to open it. He opens the chest and sees a letter saying (-3)+(+7)=. He thought about the answer and he said +4. The chest disappeared and the room had lights again. This time it was the kitchen and he saw stairways. He was very hungry and looked inside the fridge and to be surprised that it was full of food. He sat down to eat and then he felt a cold chill down his body. He stop and continued to search the home. What will happen now?
Now Freddy was upstairs and found a master bed room. He went inside and saw other chest but this one was decorated. Freddy felt that this home was full of life but what happened? He knew it was up to him to solve this family's mystery. He opened the chest and saw another question. The
question is (+9)+(-4)=. Freddy knew the answer and said +5 and then a key dropped on his hand. Just in case he kept it and continued to search the home.

Freddy went downstairs this time and searched the basement for more clues. The basement was very damp and dark with rats creeping all over the place. The basement was full of weird stuff including jars full of fruit and vegetables. He kept looking at them at one jar had a letter inside it. He opened the jar and grab the slimey letter out. The letter says my family died a painful death and its up to you to solve our mystery. The last integer question is 1-(+2)+2-(-2)=?? Freddy thought about early and remembered how to clean up the question and simply it. He solved the answer and it was -5 and he was correct and then he felt so cold and he started to shiver. Then he knew it what the virus was! It was a cold, that killed the family and then he quietly whispered cold is what killed you and then the house lights lighted. He walked back upstairs to the living room and saw the family. The dad spoke about their family and then said,"thank you''. The rest of the family said thank you too and vanished. Freddy went outside to see that his car was fixed! He drove home next morning and told all his friends and family about his weird and wacky adventure! THE END.

1. linda 8-17 said...

Urban Duckie here, posting a comment :) I have a few suggestions to your story.
"Freddy was driving when Freddy hit this huge pothole, it made his car tip over." Instead of just saying "it made his car tip over" you could've said, "Freddy was driving, Freddy hit a huge pothole, making his car tip over".
The following sentence says "Freddy didn't know what to do and waited at his car for several minutes." Instead of waiting AT his car, you should write, waiting BY his car.
Also, you are missing indents in each paragraph of your story.
In the second paragraph, you capitilized "He", but you didn't need to. In the second last sentence, you used a "2" in your sentence. You had to have actually wrote "two" instead, since you're writing a story. Also, you should show your work, of how to get each answer.
In the third paragraph you say "He opens if and feels a cold presence." You meant IT, not IF, if I am correct.
The third sentence in your second paragraph should be the starting of a new paragraph, because it is beginning a new idea, or new part of the story.
Now, in the last paragraph, you said "The basement was full of weird stuff including jars full of fruit and vegetables." I think you meant full of FRUITS and vegetables. In the following sentence, you said "He kept looking at them at one jar had a letter inside it." I think you meant, Ke kept looking at one jar that had a letter inside of it."
To conclude, I must say your story line was well done. It had foreshadowing, which was good. But you had a lot of punctuation, grammar, and spelling mistakes. Remember to proof-read your work next time you are writing :)
Overall, GOOD JOB !!!!!!!!!! :))))

November 9, 2008 at 6:01 PM